Thursday, August 14, 2008

"Don't LEAVE me!!!!!"


I guess toddlerhood could be worse. I could have ended up with a hitter or a crazy tantrumming kid who never stops screaming. Believe me, Jesse has his moments of hitting and raging tantrums but they are few and far between (though more often these days than before).

As it is, I ended up with a whiner.

Someone save me! The whining never ends. You can't be in the same room with him and turn your body toward the exit without him freaking out and whining, "Don't LEEEEEEEEEAVE me, moooooooooooooooooooooom!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then the lip comes out and the crying starts. And the best part is you can't get him to stop crying! You weren't even leaving or planning to leave, but he's started now and he's just not going to stop.

Of course, I hold him and reassure him I'm not leaving, I'm right here. Dan rolls his eyes. He wants me to take a harder course with Jesse. "Why are you crying? There's no reason to cry! Jesse, knock it off!" Sometimes I want to slap him. Dan. Not Jesse.

I've got a sensitive boy. There are worse things to be. Not to mention HE'S TWO! I tell Dan that no fewer than 87 times a day when he gets so stern with Jesse for doing things a two year old does. My view? If he's not destroying something or hurting someone (or himself), let him be a kid! Gosh! Let him go. Otherwise you have to follow him around constantly saying, "No" and "Stop that" and where is the fun (for anyone) in living like that?

But Jesse seems to be afraid of the dark also. It breaks my heart. I was (am) so terrified of the dark. I remember being paralyzed with fear when I was a child, hiding and crying until I made myself vomit. It's only been in the last year or so that I can turn off all the lights on the first floor of the house and walk calmy, without looking over my shoulder or imagining a figure coming out of the night after me, up to the second floor where no lights are on. Jesse points out the ghost who lives near the zebra on his curtains on a nightly basis. We've named him Frank and I'm trying to convince Jesse he's a friendly and silly ghost. He also won't step foot into his play room most days - even in broad daylight. It's frustrating but it's more heartbreaking. I don't want him to be scared and I definitely don't want anyone telling him to be a man or stop being a baby or for the word "sissy" ever to be spoken toward him.

I wish I could protect him from all the scary things in the world, real and perceived. I wish I could block out the things he hates to imagine and hold him close so that he feels safe and warm all the time.

No comments: